Introduction
Welcome back to another episode of the Your Blank What Now? podcast! I’m your host, Marci Nettles, and I can't believe it’s been nearly three years since we began this journey together. It’s been an honor to share so many powerful, emotional, and life-changing stories that I hope have impacted your lives as much as they have mine.
Today, I’m thrilled to introduce another incredible guest whose story will inspire you to see light in the darkest places and give you hope and direction. Our guest today is Christina Nordmark, a passionate advocate for women’s emotional freedom, inner healing, and physical restoration. Through uncovering spiritual root causes, exposing lies, and allowing the Holy Spirit to heal hearts, Christina helps women find lasting freedom.
WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW ON YOUTUBE HERE
Christina’s Story: Breaking Free from the Lies
Christina’s journey to emotional and spiritual freedom began with a struggle many can relate to—feeling unworthy, unloved, and stuck in pain. Throughout her life, she faced deep-rooted trauma, abandonment, childhood abuse, and many other challenges that traditional counseling couldn’t fully address. It wasn’t until she found Mariah Freedom Ministries that she experienced true inner healing through prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Now, Christina is committed to helping others find that same freedom. She uses her own experiences to guide brokenhearted women to physical, emotional, and spiritual freedom, a life she once thought impossible. Her story is a powerful testament to how we can break free from the lies we’ve believed for so long and step into the truth of who we are in Christ.
Childhood Wounds: The Lie of Being “Ugly and Unlovable”
Christina shares a key part of her story—one rooted in childhood abandonment and the lies she came to believe about herself. Her parents divorced when she was very young, and like many little girls, she longed to be her daddy’s little girl. However, her father wasn’t there to give her the love and security she needed. This absence left Christina with feelings of rejection and self-blame. She began to believe that she wasn’t beautiful, wasn’t worthy, and wasn’t enough.''
These deep-seated lies only grew stronger as the enemy—the spiritual force of darkness, as Christina clarifies—planted seeds of unworthiness in her heart. She vividly recalls a moment when, as a little girl, she cried in her room, feeling abandoned, and imagined a friend who told her she was ugly and unlovable. It was the enemy’s way of cementing those lies into her identity.
Christina explains that the enemy is Satan, the one who seeks to destroy and deceive through lies. He is the enemy of our souls, working in the unseen spiritual realm. For many children like Christina, especially those who face early abandonment, this spiritual battle begins at a very young age, long before they are fully aware of it.
The Impact of Losing a Father: Abandonment and the Orphan Spirit
The absence of Christina’s father had a profound impact on her sense of self-worth and her understanding of God. As she explains, our earthly fathers are often our first introduction to the nature of our heavenly Father. When our earthly fathers fail to show love, protection, and care, it can distort how we see God. In Christina’s case, her father’s abandonment led her to believe that God, too, would not keep His promises, that He wasn’t trustworthy.
This sense of abandonment only deepened as Christina experienced sexual abuse between the ages of five and sixteen. The trauma reinforced the lies she believed—that she wasn’t worthy, wasn’t beautiful, and wasn’t valuable. Shame and self-hatred grew, creating a foundation of beliefs that influenced many of her decisions as she grew older.
The Consequences of Trauma: Seeking Love in the Wrong Places
As Christina grew up, the lies she believed about herself led her to make choices based on those false identities. She found herself seeking love in all the wrong places, longing for the love she never received from her father, and ultimately the love she needed from God. But without knowing Jesus Christ as her ultimate source of love and healing, Christina sought to fill that void with unhealthy relationships.
One relationship, in particular, was extremely abusive. She explains how, despite not liking the man she became involved with initially, her inner child—the little girl still longing for her father’s love—clung to him because he represented the father figure she had lost. Tragically, this abusive relationship led to multiple unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
The Trauma of Forced Abortions: A Deeper Wound
Christina shares a heart-wrenching part of her story: her experience with forced abortions. The man she was involved with did not want the financial responsibility of another child and coerced her into terminating her pregnancies. He bullied and threatened her, even physically, to force her to comply.
Christina recalls how she was marched into an abortion clinic, feeling powerless to resist. The clinic staff downplayed the reality of what was happening, describing the unborn baby as “just a piece of flesh.” But Christina knew deep inside that the child had a purpose, a destiny from God, and she grieved deeply over the loss.
Her emotional turmoil only worsened with time. She couldn’t forgive herself for not being strong enough to protect her unborn children. She wrestled with overwhelming guilt, shame, and regret, feelings that many women experience after abortion but may never fully understand until they face the aftermath.
Escaping the Cycle of Abuse: A Journey to Redemption
At this stage in her life, Christina had endured immense challenges—emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. These struggles shaped her understanding of the need for personal growth, healing, and, ultimately, the intervention of God.
She shared that her journey with substance use started early. At just 13 years old, her father handed her a joint, and marijuana became something they bonded over. This continued into her teenage years and early adulthood. Reflecting on this, Christina shared the heartache she felt when she decided to quit smoking and realized that this would sever the only real connection she had with her father. This painful decision marked a turning point in her life, signaling her desire to leave behind toxic patterns and habits.
Breaking Free From Abuse and Substance Use
Christina recounted how alcohol became a crutch, a way to cope with the chaos of her relationship. Drinking helped her manage the stress and fear that came with living in an abusive environment. Her husband, often violent, made her feel constantly threatened. In her words, “There was always chaos. I was always in trouble for something.”
This abusive dynamic went beyond verbal and emotional abuse; it included severe physical harm. Christina revealed how her husband would strangle her, leaving her terrified for her life. At one point, she even considered escaping with her son but was chased off the road by her abuser. In a chilling moment, he threatened her in front of their son, warning that she would be killed if she didn’t return home.
Despite the danger, Christina found the strength to leave the relationship by the time she was 24 years old. Her husband had become involved with another woman, which added to her resolve to escape the toxic marriage. Christina’s story exemplifies the strength required to break free from abusive cycles and reclaim one’s life.
Finding Faith in Despair
The physical escape from her abusive relationship did not mean that Christina’s emotional and spiritual journey was over. It was during this time of intense struggle that she began to turn toward God more profoundly.
A pivotal moment in her healing journey occurred when she cried out to God, questioning her worth and the mistakes she had made, particularly thinking of her past abortions. She shared how she felt an overwhelming sense of God’s love and forgiveness. The Lord reassured her by saying, “Do you know how much you love your son? I love you oceans and seas more than you could ever imagine loving him.” This moment of divine reassurance helped Christina realize that God had already forgiven her, and it marked the beginning of a deep spiritual healing process.
Embracing Forgiveness and a New Identity
In her healing journey, Christina shared how she was able to forgive herself for her past mistakes and truly embrace her identity as a child of God. She recounted how her grandmother had been a strong influence, bringing her to Catholic church services and teaching her about holiness from a young age. Although Christina drifted from religion during her teenage years, she never completely lost her connection to God.
It wasn’t until the chaos of her divorce that God reached out to her more clearly. Christina’s aunt, who was known for her deep faith, called her in the midst of Christina’s battle with fear and uncertainty. Her aunt instructed her to read Isaiah 26:3-4, which would become a foundational scripture in Christina’s journey toward peace. Despite her initial confusion, Christina followed her aunt’s advice, finding a Bible and reading the verses, which read, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.”
These verses brought an overwhelming sense of peace to Christina, as though warm oil was being poured over her. The peace she received was unlike anything she had experienced before, as God assured her of His protection and love.
God's Divine Intervention
In the following days, Christina experienced further confirmation of God’s presence and guidance in her life. Her grandmother handed her a laminated card that contained the same verses from Isaiah, affirming that God was using her family to communicate His love and protection over her. Christina saw a vision of God’s hands coming down from heaven, a clear indication of His involvement in her life, and a reminder that He would defend and restore everything she had lost.
This was the beginning of Christina’s transformation. She no longer saw herself through the lens of her past mistakes or the trauma she had endured. Instead, she began to view herself as God saw her—beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, and worthy of love. This new identity helped her to resist the lies she had believed about herself and allowed her to walk in the truth of God’s Word.
Trusting God for the Future
One of the most significant aspects of Christina’s journey was her decision to trust God completely, not only for her healing but also for her future. She determined that she would no longer seek validation or love from the world but would wait on the Lord for everything, including a godly marriage.
Her complete surrender to God marked a turning point, and in time, God blessed her with a new relationship, one that was rooted in faith and mutual respect. Looking back, Christina recognized that the key to her healing was trusting in God’s Word, which never changes, and surrendering her life entirely to His will.
This trust was further validated when God intervened in her legal battle. Christina shared how she had been falsely accused of a crime set up by her ex-husband. Facing potential prison time, she turned to God for help, and He defended her. After a long and arduous meeting with an investigator, she was exonerated, and the charges were dropped, freeing her from the fear of losing her son and her freedom.
A New Life in Christ
With God’s guidance, Christina was able to rebuild her life. She began attending Harvest Christian Fellowship, a church that played a significant role in her spiritual growth. Through her involvement in the church, Christina found community, healing, and a deeper understanding of her identity in Christ.
Her story is a testament to God’s transformative power, turning ashes into beauty and replacing fear with faith.
Navigating Counterfeits and Finding True Love Through God’s Guidance
As believers, it’s important to recognize that the enemy can bring counterfeits into our lives to derail us from God's true plan. This is especially evident when seeking a partner. In my journey, I faced situations where I encountered seemingly ideal men, but they were not who God had ordained for me.
I remember being set up on a blind date by a friend. The man I met had everything that, from the world's perspective, seemed perfect. He was sweet, successful, and owned a beautiful condo by the beach—what many would call the "American dream." However, deep inside, I knew I needed more than just someone who believed in God. I needed a spiritual leader. While this man believed in God, he wasn’t fully committed to living as a true follower of Christ, and I had to make the difficult decision to end the relationship, despite how well we got along.
It was painful to walk away, but I knew that I couldn’t settle for anything less than God’s best for me. After this, I found myself attending a very legalistic church, where I met another man who seemed like a promising candidate—he was training to be a pastor. I thought that becoming a pastor’s wife was the next step in my spiritual journey. However, he later informed me that he couldn’t marry me because I had been previously married and had a child. He deemed me "damaged goods," twisting scripture to justify his stance. To make things worse, while he claimed he couldn't marry me, he still wanted to be intimate, which I refused. This encounter left me deeply hurt, and I cried out to God for direction.
The Importance of Waiting on God's Timing
God spoke to me during this time, saying, "Stop looking for love in this world." Over the course of the next five years, I continued my journey of faith, encountering several men, but none of these relationships worked out. I even attended a Christian singles group, but the man I met there didn’t want children, which was something I deeply desired.
One day, while visiting Tom’s Farms in California, I stumbled upon a painting of a little girl in a gift shop. The image struck a chord with me—it felt as though God was showing me a glimpse of the daughter I longed for. I bought the painting, which came with a prophetic message: “The time may be delayed, the manner may be unexpected, but the answer is sure to come. Not a tear of sacred sorrow, not a breath of fully desired prayer poured out to God will ever be lost.” This message gave me hope, affirming that in God’s timing, I would receive the desires of my heart.
Little did I know that this painting would be a prophetic image of my future daughter. However, during this period, I was dating someone who didn’t want children, and I felt conflicted. I began sensing the Holy Spirit's guidance, signaling to me through a sick feeling in my stomach. It was clear that this wasn’t the right path, but I struggled to listen because I was nearing 30 and feeling the pressure of my biological clock ticking. People around me constantly questioned why I wasn’t married yet, which only added to the urgency I felt.
Despite the societal pressure and personal longing, I remained faithful. I ended the relationship, and even though it was painful, I knew I had to trust God’s plan. To strengthen my commitment, I took a radical step: I signed a purity covenant, pledging not to kiss anyone until my wedding day. I faced ridicule from my friends, who doubted that anyone would wait for me, but I remained steadfast. I knew that the man God had for me would honor that commitment.
Meeting My God-Ordained Husband
As a testimony to God’s faithfulness, the very next person I met was the man God had chosen for me. My husband and I came from 3,000 miles apart, and we met in an extraordinary way that could only have been orchestrated by God. We saved our first kiss for our wedding day, which made that moment even more special. Our wedding took place on top of Mount Rubidoux, with a magnificent cross standing tall—a symbol of God’s hand in our union.
This story of redemption, detailed in my upcoming book Redeemed: Shattered Hearts Restored, speaks to the power of waiting on God and the beauty of His restoration. God not only blessed me with a loving husband but also with the little girl He had shown me in that painting years before.
The Importance of Inner Healing and Deliverance
Throughout my journey, I realized the critical role of healing and deliverance in spiritual growth. While I attended Christian counseling for over three years, I came to understand that counseling primarily deals with the soul—our mind, will, and emotions. While this was helpful, it wasn’t until I sought inner healing that I experienced true freedom. Inner healing goes deeper, addressing spiritual wounds and traumas that often remain buried within us.
I attended Mariah Freedom Ministries, where I went through a process of prayer, forgiveness, and repentance. What was transformative about this process was inviting Jesus into the painful memories and traumas of my life. By seeing where Jesus was in those moments and hearing from the Holy Spirit, I was able to experience profound healing. This was far more effective than simply talking about my problems; it brought healing to both my soul and spirit.
However, even after years of healing, I found myself struggling with anxiety, particularly related to driving. It was so intense that I felt as though I couldn’t go on. What I discovered was that sometimes, when we have wounds, demonic oppression can attach itself to those wounds. This doesn’t mean possession but rather an influence that exacerbates our emotional pain.
I underwent deliverance, which was nothing like the dramatic depictions we often see in movies. Instead, it was a gentle and beautiful process that brought me freedom from the root cause of my anxiety. As I traced the origin of my anxiety back to the trauma I experienced as a child, I saw how the "protector" part of me—formed during my childhood abuse—had been trying to control situations to prevent further harm. This coping mechanism, while useful in the past, had become unhealthy in adulthood. Through prayer and deliverance, I was able to release this inner "protector" to Jesus, allowing me to live without fear.
Since then, I’ve found peace and freedom from the anxiety that once tormented me. Deliverance is an essential step for anyone who has gone through counseling but still struggles with spiritual bondage. If you’ve done the work of healing but still find yourself battling deep-seated fears, deliverance may be the next step to true freedom.
The Gentle Power of Deliverance
Deliverance isn’t the chaotic, frightening experience that’s often portrayed in media. It’s a peaceful and gentle process led by the Holy Spirit, designed to set us free from any lingering spiritual bondage that may be rooted in past traumas. For me, it was the final step that brought lasting freedom, particularly from the anxiety that had been paralyzing me.
Deliverance, coupled with inner healing, is an essential tool for anyone seeking to break free from the emotional and spiritual chains that bind us. If you’ve been through counseling but still feel like something is holding you back, consider seeking deliverance. The freedom that follows is life-changing, allowing you to fully step into the abundant life God has for you.
Embracing the Word of God in a World of Deception
The Foundation of Truth
In today's world, where social media and personal opinions often cloud our judgment, it is essential to ground ourselves in the one true source of truth—the Word of God. The Bible remains our steadfast guide amid the noise and confusion. It is through the Scriptures that we find clarity, purpose, and freedom. The Word of God is not just an ancient text; it is the living, breathing truth that speaks into every aspect of our lives, providing wisdom and direction.
Healing Through Divine Revelation
Personal experiences often shape our understanding of God's role in our lives. For many, past disappointments can cast shadows over their spiritual journey. Such was the case for Christina, who shared her story of longing for a father figure. Despite the absence of her earthly father, she found profound healing in God's revelation. During a moment of prayer, Christina envisioned God’s tearful apology for her past disappointments, affirming that He had always been her true Father.
This revelation was transformative for Christina, providing healing and a deeper understanding of God's unwavering presence and love. The divine acknowledgment that God has always been our Father, regardless of our earthly circumstances, brings comfort and reassurance. It is a reminder that God’s love and support transcend human limitations and imperfections.
Recognizing God's Presence in Our Lives
God speaks to us in various ways—through Scripture, prayer, and the gentle promptings of our spirit. Christina’s story highlights the importance of being attuned to these divine communications. Reflecting on the blessings and experiences in our lives often reveals God's hand at work. For Christina, the connection between her daughters and a painting by an artist who passed away underscored God’s intricate and loving design for her life.
The artist's paintings, which seemed to prefigure Christina’s daughters, symbolize the intricate plans God has for each of us. Even before our existence, God knows and loves us, and His plans for our lives are woven with purpose and intention.
The Power of Redemption and Hope
Christina's upcoming book, Redeemed: Shattered Hearts Restored, is a testament to the healing power of God. The book is not only a personal narrative of hope and redemption but also includes a workbook designed to help readers navigate their own healing journeys. It addresses various traumas and provides practical tools for overcoming past wounds.
This book aims to offer freedom and affirmation of one's identity in Christ. It is an encouragement for anyone who has faced hardships, showing that God’s redemptive power can bring wholeness and new beginnings. The inclusion of a workbook is particularly significant, as it allows readers to actively engage in their healing process and apply the principles shared in the book.
Connecting with Christina and Further Resources
For those interested in learning more about Christina's journey and her book, Redeemed: Shattered Hearts Restored, you can connect with her through her website, ChristinaNordmark.com. This site will provide updates on the book's release and links to her social media channels.
Christina's story and her forthcoming book offer a beacon of hope for those navigating their own struggles. Her message is clear: no matter what you’ve experienced, God’s love and redemption are available to you. His plans for your life are filled with hope and purpose, and He is always present, ready to heal and restore.
A Final Blessing
As we conclude, let us embrace the truth of God's Word and His profound love for us. Christina’s heartfelt prayer reminds us of God’s desire to heal and bless us abundantly. May we all find solace and strength in His promises and trust in His perfect plan for our lives.
Thank you for joining us on this journey of faith and discovery. May you be inspired by Christina’s story and find hope and encouragement in your own walk with God.
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