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Embracing Life’s Journey with Tim Eggebraaten: From Law Enforcement to National Keynote Speaker

Writer's picture: Dondee & Marci NettlesDondee & Marci Nettles


Introduction

Dream life or the fulfilled life, whatever life you are looking for, my guest today has experienced it all. I am thrilled to introduce Tim Eggebraaten, a man with nearly 28 years in the criminal justice field who has transitioned into a captivating national speaker.


Tim's Background

Tim’s journey in law enforcement began in 1989 as a correctional officer, and over the years, he climbed the ranks to become the chief of police. His extensive experience on the beat has equipped him with a wealth of stories and insights. In 2016, Tim retired from law enforcement, adopting the title of "off-duty chief." Since then, he has passionately shared his message, music, and talent with the world. Known for his compelling storytelling and witty perspective on balance, growth, leadership, and life, Tim has become a sought-after keynote speaker. His unique approach blends his love for music with motivational messages, taking audiences on an emotional rollercoaster from lighthearted anecdotes to profound insights on loss and mental health.


Personal Life

Tim resides in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota, with his wife, Denise. They cherish the outdoors, friendships, and family moments with their adult children and two grandsons. Tim’s ability to connect with people on a personal level adds depth to his public speaking, making his presentations resonate deeply with audiences.


The Journey

In our conversation, I expressed my own struggles with public speaking. People often ask me how I manage to podcast so effortlessly. The truth is, I don’t always speak perfectly, but I do it anyway. Tim humorously responded, "You do speak more gooderer than I do, so that's even betterer." This light-hearted exchange emphasized that anyone can share their story, whether as a podcaster or in another format. This blog will begin describing our conversation, then it will read as if Tim wrote the rest himself.



The Episode's Focus: Navigating Toxic Environments

Tim and I decided to title this episode, "You're in a Toxic Environment, What Now?" This theme is particularly relevant given Tim’s extensive background in law enforcement and the challenges he has faced.


Tim’s Calling to Law Enforcement

Tim shared his early inspiration to pursue a career in law enforcement. Growing up in a small town of about 400 people in Northwest Minnesota, he was the youngest of four children and the only son. From a very young age, Tim knew he wanted to be a police officer. A childhood photo of a relative in a Washington State Trooper uniform solidified this dream. His kindergarten teacher even recalled Tim's early declaration that he would become a police officer. Raised by positive and influential parents, Tim’s mother’s motto, "I am, I can, I will," instilled in him a desire to help people and do the right thing.


Career and Family Life

Tim’s law enforcement career began in corrections, eventually leading him to become a police officer in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. He and his wife, Denise, moved to Detroit Lakes thinking it would be a one-year stop. Thirty-four years later, they are still there, having built a life filled with love and family. Tim and Denise have three adult sons, two of whom are married and have given them two grandsons. Their youngest son is currently exploring the U.S. national parks and sharing his adventures on YouTube. Tim reflected on his nearly 28-year career in the criminal justice field, acknowledging the highs and lows but expressing gratitude for every moment.


Celebrating Milestones in Marriage

Tim and Denise have been married for 35 years, a milestone worth celebrating. Tim emphasized the importance of celebrating anniversaries as they build up to significant milestones. Celebrating these smaller moments creates a cascade of positive feelings that motivate us to continue nurturing our relationships.


Advice for Young Couples

When asked for advice for younger couples, Tim highlighted the importance of genuine curiosity. He encouraged couples to ask questions and truly listen to each other without judgment. This approach not only strengthens marriages but also fosters better relationships with others. Tim stressed the value of understanding different perspectives, which can mitigate the us-versus-them mentality often seen in contentious environments like law enforcement.


Overcoming the Us-Versus-Them Mentality

Tim shared an early experience in his career that helped him shift away from the us-versus-them mindset. While responding to a call at a local hotel, he met an older gentleman who mistakenly thought he had reached his destination of Detroit, Michigan, when he was actually in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. The man's humble demeanor and situation reminded Tim of the importance of empathy and understanding, challenging his previous mentality.


The Transformative Power of Kindness: A Story of Stormin Norman


In a small, dimly lit hotel lobby, I found myself in a moment that would reshape my life. Norman, the man I had just helped, looked at me with his deep brown eyes, a gaze that seemed to penetrate my soul. His shoulders slumped slightly as he corrected me, "I'm not Stormin, I'm just Norman." In that moment, the façade I had built around myself began to crumble. I had constructed this emotional armor to protect myself from getting hurt, from forming attachments that might one day lead to pain. But Norman's gentle demeanor began to chip away at this hardened exterior.


A Moment of Vulnerability


As I finished my paperwork and prepared to leave, Norman called out to me. We locked eyes, and in those few seconds, something profound passed between us. He said, "I want to remember the people who have helped me." Those simple words hit me like a sledgehammer. I had no response. I walked to my police car, sat down, and started to cry. This wasn't something I did often; in fact, I prided myself on my toughness. But here I was, sobbing uncontrollably.


That night, I began to question who I had become. I realized that the person sitting in that police car was not the same person my parents, Kenny and Pat Agerbrotten, had raised. Somewhere along the line, I had lost touch with the caring, thoughtful, and conscientious individual I once was. Norman's kindness and humility had rocked my world, reminding me of my true self.


Seeing the Normans and Normas Around Us


When I speak to organizations and share Norman's story, I emphasize that there are Normans and Normas all around us. Often, we're so busy, our heads down, focused on our tasks, that we miss these incredible people. But each of us has the opportunity to be a Norman or a Norma for someone else, simply by how we show up, by the words we speak, or even by the words we type on social media.


I firmly believe that these encounters are not accidents. Our shared faith suggests that these people are placed in our lives for a reason. Events happen for us, not to us. When we encounter individuals like Norman, it's as if God is giving us a wake-up call. Norman was placed in my life at a time when I was floundering, and his presence jolted me into a new awareness.


The Impact of Norman's Eyes


Norman's eyes remain one of the most vivid memories from that night. There was something spiritual, almost angelic, about them. When I meet others who have had similar life-altering encounters, they often describe the person's eyes in the same way. Norman's eyes looked into my soul, and that gaze had a lasting impact on me.


Throughout my career in law enforcement, I faced many ups and downs. But Norman's influence stayed with me, helping me stay grounded and focused on the true purpose of my work. Law enforcement can be a toxic environment at times, with its constant exposure to people's worst moments. But remembering Norman and others like him reminded me that the world is not just full of negativity.


The Role of Faith and Music


Faith and music played crucial roles in keeping me grounded. Whenever I found myself in a bad mood, picking up my guitar and playing a tune helped me recenter. Later, I discovered mindfulness and meditation, which further helped me navigate the challenges of my job.


Norman's introduction into my life opened my eyes to other opportunities to connect with people. These encounters are often subtle, sometimes just a brief moment of kindness. But they are everywhere if we are open to seeing them.


The Reality of Law Enforcement


Law enforcement is a tough field. You're constantly dealing with emergencies and crises. No one calls 911 to share good news. This constant exposure can skew your perception of the world, making it easy to fall into an us-versus-them mindset. But Norman's presence in my life kept me focused on the reality that the world is not all bad. His kindness was a beacon that helped me navigate the darker aspects of my job.


A New Perspective


God placed Norman in my life at the beginning of my career, knowing I would need that reminder to stay grounded. Law enforcement can be a hard place, filled with challenges that can easily lead one astray. But having Norman's memory to hold onto helped me maintain my perspective.


In sharing this story, I hope to remind others of the importance of seeing the Normans and Normas in their lives. We all have the potential to be that person for someone else. It’s about how we show up, the kindness we offer, and the words we choose. By embracing these moments, we can make a profound impact on those around us.


From Darkness to Light: A Journey of Redemption


The Encounter that Changed Everything


During my early days as a police officer, I met a man named Norman. He was not the “Stormin' Norman” I had initially dubbed him, but a kind and gentle soul who shattered the emotional walls I had built to protect myself. He introduced me to the night clerk at a different hotel, and as he left, he looked at me with his deep brown eyes and said he wanted to remember the people who had helped him. That moment struck me deeply, and as I drove away, I found myself crying—a rarity for me at the time.


Norman’s presence and his words made me question who I had become. I realized that I was no longer the caring, conscientious person my parents had raised. This epiphany, sparked by a brief encounter, began a journey of self-reflection and change.


The Impact of a Gentle Soul


Norman's story reminded me that we often miss the "Normans" and "Normas" around us because we are too busy with our own lives. Each of us has the potential to be a positive influence on others, simply by how we show up and interact. I believe that such encounters are not accidents but are orchestrated by a higher power. Norman’s arrival in my life was a wake-up call, urging me to refocus on my true purpose.


Rediscovering Purpose and Grounding


Throughout my career, whenever I slipped back into an "us versus them" mindset, my faith, music, and later, mindfulness and meditation, helped ground me. These practices allowed me to recenter and remember why I joined law enforcement—to help people. They also made me more aware of the subtle yet profound impact that everyday interactions can have on others.


The Role of Alcohol in My Life


My relationship with alcohol began at 12 years old and quickly grew into a coping mechanism for my insecurities and the traumas I faced in my career. Alcohol provided a false sense of confidence, masking the deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and helping me to temporarily escape the harsh realities of my job.


However, the hypocrisy of my actions was not lost on me. As a police officer, I enforced DWI laws vigorously, yet I often found myself drinking and driving. This double standard culminated in my second DWI shortly after retiring, a moment that finally made me confront the severity of my alcohol dependency.


The Wake-Up Call


That second DWI was a blessing in disguise. It was the final piece of the puzzle, making me realize that I had a serious problem. The arresting officer, a fellow canine handler, unknowingly provided the wake-up call I desperately needed. The experience was humbling, and the support from my wife during this time was crucial in my decision to change.


Embracing Change and Forgiveness


Writing my book and journaling played a significant role in my recovery. These practices helped me unravel the underlying causes of my addiction and insecurities. Through this process, I learned to forgive myself and accept responsibility for my actions. Understanding that everyone is broken in their own way, including the people I once judged harshly, allowed me to approach life with more compassion and empathy.


Gratitude and Moving Forward


I am grateful for the arrest and the subsequent journey it set me on. Meeting the arresting officer later and thanking him was a powerful moment of closure and gratitude. This experience reinforced the importance of taking ownership of our actions and the role of community and support in our lives.


As I continue to piece together my life’s puzzle, I am committed to being a positive influence on others, recognizing the Normans and Normas around me, and showing up with integrity and kindness. This journey of redemption has not only made me a better person but also reaffirmed my faith in the interconnectedness of our lives.


Embracing the Struggles and Finding Gratitude


Understanding Life's Challenges


We all face days that feel cloudy and rainy, both literally and metaphorically. Whether it’s dealing with a health diagnosis, supporting a loved one through a difficult time, or making tough decisions, everyone experiences hardships. Reflecting on my personal history and the trauma I encountered as a police officer, I find myself thankful for those challenges. They have shaped who I am today and brought me to places I never imagined, like speaking on this podcast with Marcy Nettles. None of these positive outcomes would have happened without those difficult experiences.


Positivity's Role in Overcoming Adversity


As Marci pointed out, the key to navigating these challenges is recognizing that they are not happening to us, but for us. Our perspective and how we choose to move forward define our journey. Positivity has played a crucial role in my life, starting with my parents. My mom and dad were both very positive individuals. My dad was a strong, towering figure, while my mom, though petite, had an indomitable spirit of optimism that could sometimes be overwhelming.


For instance, after a tough day at work, I would call my mom to share my struggles, and she would always find a silver lining. Her relentless positivity sometimes felt out of touch, but it instilled in me a fundamental outlook on life: “I am, I can, I will.” This mantra guided her through her battle with cancer and shaped my approach to life’s challenges.


Faith as a Foundation


Faith has been a cornerstone in my life, instilled by my parents and nurtured through personal experiences. From a young age, I found myself having conversations with God, thanking Him for the little things and seeking His guidance. This ongoing dialogue has been a source of strength, helping me stay grounded and maintain a positive outlook.


Even today, as I navigate the complexities of life, I continue these conversations. They remind me of my purpose and the bigger picture I am part of. This faith has also helped me filter out negativity, such as limiting exposure to toxic news and social media, and focusing instead on what I can control and contribute positively.


The Lessons Learned


After spending 28 years in law enforcement, I have learned several important lessons, the most significant being not to give up on people. It’s easy to pigeonhole individuals based on appearances or circumstances, but we often miss the depth of their stories. Whether it’s a homeless person or someone in a suit, we tend to make assumptions without truly knowing them.


In my career, I had to approach situations cautiously, but also learned to avoid jumping to worst-case scenarios. This balance between vigilance and open-mindedness is crucial. Acknowledging tough days and understanding what can be controlled allows us to navigate life more effectively.


The Power of Curiosity


One way to break down barriers and connect with others is through genuine curiosity. For example, I used to have preconceived notions about people with tattoos. However, when I started asking them about their first tattoo and the stories behind them, I found a deep well of personal history and meaning. This approach reminded me that we don’t truly know someone until we ask and listen without judgment.


Embracing Positivity and Faith


Living with a positive outlook and strong faith can significantly impact our lives and those around us. It’s not just about being optimistic but choosing to see and act on the good in every situation. My mother’s mantra, “I am, I can, I will,” continues to inspire me, and I strive to live in a way that reflects these values.


As Marci and I discussed, living authentically and positively can influence others without needing to use words. By embodying our beliefs and showing up with integrity, we can make a profound difference in the world, even in the face of adversity.

## The Power of Music in My Life and Journey


The Influence of Music from an Early Age


Music has always been an integral part of my life. I started whistling before I could speak and have constantly had a tune running through my head ever since. It's never been annoying or negative; rather, it has always been a source of joy and creativity. My mother, who couldn't sing very well, would rhythmically speak to us, often putting everything into rhyme. This rhythmic way of communication, even down to how she recited zip codes, instilled a deep love for music in me. I believe that rhythm and music are hardwired into all of us in some way.


Early Encouragement and Development


From a young age, I realized that music triggered emotions within me. I started singing at an early age, and it came naturally to me. However, I struggled with insecurity until an eighth-grade music teacher told me I had a nice voice. That simple compliment was transformative; it felt like the clouds parted, and angels were singing. This validation gave me the confidence to share my voice, and I began playing the guitar. In high school, I joined a small band and the high school choir, performing songs from the fifties and sixties. One memorable performance was singing "Runaround Sue" in an auditorium, where the positive reaction from a teacher made me realize the impact music could have on others.


Music as a Lifelong Passion and Career


Over time, my love for music evolved into a one-man band act. Initially, it started as a fun side hustle, playing at neighborhood block parties. Eventually, it grew into a significant part of my life, even as I worked as a chief of police. I performed 130 shows a year, each nearly four hours long, all over the region. It was exhilarating, but I soon realized that my performances were not about me. Whether it's my book, my speeches, or my music, it's all about the audience and their experience. This realization shifted my perspective, helping me overcome nervousness and focus on the joy and impact I could bring to others through my music.


Music as a Source of Comfort and Connection


A pivotal moment for me was singing at a funeral for a 16-year-old girl. It was then that I fully understood that my music could provide comfort during the darkest times. This experience solidified my commitment to using my gift to bring light to others. I often personalize my performances, improvising lyrics to engage with the audience and make the experience more enjoyable. Additionally, I have had the honor of providing music for hospice patients, including singing "How Great Thou Art" as my mother passed away. These deeply emotional moments underscore the power of music to connect, comfort, and heal.


The Importance of Focusing on Others


One of the most significant lessons I've learned is the importance of focusing on others rather than myself. Journaling and writing letters of gratitude are practices I recommend because they help shift the focus outward. Writing a heartfelt letter to someone who has inspired you can have profound effects, comparable to the benefits of Prozac for both the writer and the recipient. I keep a thank-you card from a friend's wife, written during one of her darkest times, as a reminder of the power of gratitude and connection.


Using Our Gifts for a Greater Purpose


Recognizing that our talents and abilities are meant to serve a greater purpose is crucial. By focusing on how we can positively impact others, we can overcome fear and self-doubt. This mindset has fueled my passion for music and other endeavors, knowing that each performance or project can touch lives and make a difference.


Embracing the Uncomfortable for the Sake of Others


Stepping out of our comfort zones becomes more manageable when we do it for the sake of others. Initially, podcasting and public speaking were challenging for me, but focusing on the potential impact on others made it easier. Understanding that our efforts can influence and inspire people we've never met gives us the courage to push through discomfort.


Writing My Book: An Extension of My Mission


Writing my book started as an extension of my keynotes, aiming to share more about my experiences, family, and what drives me. Initially, my stories read like police reports, but with the help of coaches, I found my voice and began writing more creatively. The book is a way to help others by sharing my journey and the lessons I've learned. It's about focusing on the reader and how my stories can provide guidance, inspiration, and support.


Embracing Vulnerability and Sharing My Story


When I started working on my book, it was an extension of my keynotes, intended to share more about my life, my family, and what drives me. However, the process wasn't straightforward. Initially, my stories read like police reports—terse and factual. With the guidance of coaches, I learned to write more creatively and descriptively, focusing on how my stories could help others.


Overcoming Fear and Embracing Vulnerability


Even with this new approach, the process was daunting. When my coach sent me the first three chapters, I couldn't open the email for four days. Despite facing dangerous situations in my career, the vulnerability of sharing my personal stories, including my struggles with alcohol and past mistakes, scared me. However, three days after the book became public, I received a message from a friend who is a police chief, thanking me and saying he needed the book. This affirmation, along with messages from around the world, confirmed that my vulnerability was helping others.


The Impact of "Find Your Beat: Walk in the Rhythm of Life"


The book, "Find Your Beat: Walk in the Rhythm of Life," has had a far-reaching impact, similar to my music. The feedback from readers, especially those I've never met, has been incredibly rewarding. It's surreal to know that people from different parts of the world are reading my book and finding value in it. This experience has taught me that sharing our art, whether through music, writing, or any other form, can profoundly affect others.


Encouraging Others to Share Their Stories


For anyone with an idea or a story to share, I encourage you to start journaling. Writing things down helps clarify your thoughts and builds confidence. As you gain confidence, share your writings with others. You might be surprised at how many people share your fears and concerns and how your story can help them. The act of sharing can be incredibly powerful and transformative, not just for the audience but for the creator as well.


Connecting with Me


If you're interested in my book, you can grab a copy at marcianettles.com/books (https://marcianettles.com/books). Reading it and applying its lessons can make a significant difference in your life. To connect with me, visit my website offdutychief.com (http://offdutychief.com). You can also find me on Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn. My music is available on various platforms like Amazon and Spotify—just search for Tim Agerbrotten. I look forward to connecting with you and sharing more stories and music.


Thank you for this opportunity to share my journey. Remember, your story matters. Share, share, share.


Conclusion from Marci


Thank you so much for joining us today and listening to Tim's inspiring journey. His story reminds us of the power of vulnerability and the importance of sharing our unique gifts with the world. By embracing his passion for music and storytelling, Tim has touched countless lives, proving that our struggles and triumphs can have a profound impact on others. Remember, each of us has a story worth sharing, and by doing so, we can inspire and uplift those around us. Don't forget to grab Tim's book at marcianettles.com/books (https://marcianettles.com/books) and follow his journey on offdutychief.com (http://offdutychief.com). Until next time, keep finding your beat and walking in the rhythm of life.


- Marci



If you loved this story, you may also enjoy these YBWN Podcast Episodes:


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Episode 74: “You’re Let Down by Your Doctor, What Now?” with Annemarie Lafferty

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